remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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