The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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