the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
