Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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