You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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