hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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