He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
