i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
