I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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