Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
