Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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