so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
