I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
