The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
