It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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