i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
