Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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