I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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