I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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