Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
