My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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