I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
