Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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