So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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