Just fell off a train. Bad.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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