I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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