Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
