dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
