You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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