Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
