Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
