i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
