I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
