so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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