He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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