dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
