Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
