Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
