People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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