I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
