Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i have two assholes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
