I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
