I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
