$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
