Small penises have feelings too.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
