My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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