He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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