I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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