I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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