just come out here and I will go home with you...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
