what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
