Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
