what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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