this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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