So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
