We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The air was thick with penises
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
