Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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