And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize