There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Mom said you looked used
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
