I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
