I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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