its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Acid is not a monday night drug
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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