she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize