I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
