I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
