She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
