Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
