thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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