Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there is glitter all over my balls
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
