were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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