he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
birth control should be required to get into college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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