Yo dont text me then not text me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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