I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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