my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
