and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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