I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
