Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dignity is for republicans.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
