she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize