dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He kissed a someone with a penis
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
