How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
