So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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