I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
