i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
