I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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