Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
