He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
