I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
