Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
