I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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