Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
