I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
