Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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