Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
