I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
