we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
