those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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