Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
