Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your tits are I can't wait for
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
