Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
