Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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