hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
