His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
