That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
