It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
